Tomatoes and Labor
by LivvyWriter
Summary: A hilarious telling of how Harry reacts when Hermione announces she’s in labor and all action thereafter. Includes an angry Hermione, a frazzled Harry, a bubbly Ron, and an insane adventure.
1. With One T

**T_o_mat_o_**e**s _a_**n**d **L**a_b_or**

By:LivvyWriter

Rating-G or K

Disclaimer- I don't own any thing relating to Harry Potter or the references I make in here.

Summary- A hilarious telling of how Harry reacts when Hermione announces she's in labor and all action thereafter. Includes an angry Hermione, a frazzled Harry, a bubbly Ron, and an insane adventure.

Reviews- They make me work a whole heck of a lot faster.

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"Can you pass me that tomato Harry?" Hermione asked eagerly, her hand waiting for the fruit.

Harry looked bewildered.

"What?" Hermione asked impatiently.

"What do you need a tomato for? You're eating cereal."

"Don't ask to know how pregnant women's minds think." Hermione said getting more irritated by the moment.

"Now just HAND OVER-"

"I know I know…the tomato." Harry tossed the tomato to Hermione and she caught it. Harry turned back around and continued to raid the fridge of their average sized flat. After grabbing a bottle of butterbeer, he walked over to their couch. He jumped over the back, landing squarely on the sofa.

As they both had grown up with muggles, they both had acquired a small taste for television. Harry picked up the remote and started to flip through channels. He came to the American TV show Maury, and watched as a young African American woman screamed about how her mother had her boyfriend's baby. The boyfriend, who was Caucasian and sitting on the couch, occasionally waving at the camera, looked unfazed by it all.

"That's ridiculous…he doesn't even look like the baby!" Harry said, snorting out some butterbeer.

"Harry.." Hermione started.

"I know honey, I'm turning it." Harry sighed and continued to flip channels.

"No Harry…it's time."

"Hermione, it's only 3 o'clock. 'Who Wants to be a Millionaire' doesn't come on for another two hours!"

"NO YOU PRAT! IT'S TIME! I'M GOING TO HAVE OUR BABIES!"

Harry sat in shock.

"N-n-now?" He stuttered.

"YES NOW!" Hermione threw the tomato at his head, and it landed with a loud plop on the left side of his face. Harry suddenly came out of his trance and said, "SUITCASE! I NEED THE SUITCASE!" He scampered around, grabbed the suitcase, and apparated to the hospital.

He stood in the middle of the Pregnancy Ward at St. Mungo's, and realized he was missing his wife.

"Bloody Hell! Why can't pregnant women apparate?"

He apparated back.

"So sorry baby!" He ran over to his wife, and apparated her back to the hospital.

"I can't believe you forgot me Harry!" Hermione glared at her husband.

"I forgot you were too big-I mean pregnant! Pregnant! You were too pregnant to apparate."

"Excuse me? You need to check in." A young blonde woman called their attention over to the desk. She stared at them for a few minutes expectantly. She popped her gum annoyingly. Harry remembered it was his cue to talk.

"Oh Yea! Hermione Granger-Potter. We're a couple days after her due date." The witch stared at them for a minute before rolling her eyes. She turned her attention to the log book. Then the phone rang, and she walked over and picked it off the hook.

"Hello St. Mungo's. Britney speaking. That's Britney with one t, not two- Oh hey Mandy! You don't say…no way. are you kidding me?" She perched her self on top of the desk and continued to chatter.

They waited.

And waited.

And waited.

"Yea, uh, Britney? With one t?" Hermione said obviously annoyed and in pain. Britney looked up and gave them a bored look.

"One moment..-No it was just a patient. No they'll be fine for a few minutes.."

"Incase you haven't noticed, I'm in labor. That means I will have a baby…b-a-b-y coming out of my vagina soon. That means get your bloody ass in gear and get me a Healer, and a room…..NOW!" Hermione snapped. Harry looked at his wife appraisingly.

Brittany with one T, got off the phone quickly, signed them in, and appointed them a room.

"Ah, it's time is it? This is excellent. Here Hermione." Luna Weasley approached them in full Medi-witch uniform, and offered something that looked like a wheelchair on steroids, complete with leather interior and a floating charm.

Hermione smiled gratefully and sat down, her hands resting on her belly and breathing in spurts. Harry grabbed her hand and squeezed reassuringly.

"Harr..Harry, go call RONNNNN!" She screamed in pain.

"Oh dear, contractions are coming closer and closer….Room 453." Luna tapped the chair with her wand and it set off by itself, Luna following.


	2. Ron is WHAT!

**To**m**a**t**oe**san**d L**a**bo**r

By:LivvyWriter

Rating-G or K

**Summary-** A hilarious telling of how Harry reacts when Hermione announces she's in labor. Includes an angry Hermione, a frazzled Harry, a bubbly Ron, and an insane adventure.

**Disclaimer-** I do not anything that I reference towards in here, nor do I own Harry Potter.

_Thanks to the seven who reviewed the first chapter. I would write a response to each..but I figured you would rather just read the story, so gracias to you seven!_

Computer Boy- I'm not a guy, and unfortunately I'm fully aware of the whole guys being complete imbeciles at times..Haha.

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Harry sped to the front desk and back to the same bimbo.

"I need you to contact Fred, George, Ginny, and Ron Weasley. And Remus Lupin if you will." Hermione's parents had died in their 7th year at the hand of Voldemort.

Her eyes had just found his scar and her mouth hung open. He rolled his eyes.

"Yes I defeated Voldemort, yes I'm the boy who lived, or whatever they call me these days. But right now, my wife's in labor, and I need my best friend here, or I'll get testy. Don't make me get testy." Harry tried to look as menacing as possible.

Britney closed her mouth rather reluctantly and turned to the large fireplace behind her. Sticking her head in and out twice, she made the calls. She then turned back to Harry and continued to gape. Harry rolled his eyes again and turned around, waiting for Ron and everyone else to arrive.

With a "Crack", 4 people appeared seemingly out of the blue to the untrained eye. Ron, Ginny, Fred, and George stood there.

"Hello mate! Good day isn't it? The birds are chirping! The sun is sparkling! The ground..-" Ron said, his glazed eyes taking in the whole place.

"He's gone crazy.." Ginny said, interrupting her older brother.

Harry looked confused, why was Ron so happy? He looked over at Ron to see him examining his shirt hem.

"Sorry about that Harry, Ron accidentally ate one of our Blissful Bubble Balls." George said, not a hint of apology to his voice.

"He thought it was a normal bubble ball." Fred added.

"He's quite a nitwit." They said simultaneously.

Harry laughed nervously, wondering what would happen when Hermione found out that her best friend was incapable of giving her the support she needed. She would probably take it out on Harry.

"This is gonna be painful…" Harry said, thinking out loud.

Ginny looked at him quizzically. "Her labor I mean. We better get up there, it's room 453." He noticed Remus wasn't there yet.

"If Remus Lupin arrives, can you please tell him what room we're in?" Harry asked Britney. He then noticed she was preoccupied with Ron, who was behind her, twirling her hair and chatting about highlights.

"What did you say this color was? Caramel? It's simply **gorgeous!** I've been thinking about getting my hair done..maybe a rich brown.." Ron giggled, which brought stares due to the fact that a six foot four man was giggling.

"God Almighty..." Harry said, hitting his head. He motioned for the others to follow and they started walking to room 453.

"He sure is in touch with his feminine side.." Ginny remarked, making a face at her brother.

"That might be because he ate the Woman Blissful Bubble Ball." George admitted.

"Women and men get happy in different ways, so it requires different ingredients, and that results in a different product." Fred finished.

"That's discriminating against women! Not all woman act that way, at least the sensible ones don't." Ginny exclaimed, her hazel eyes lighting up at the insinuation that all women were that way.

"Well considering we based the woman's product on _Lavender Brown.."_ George said, chuckling a bit.

"She gives bad names to women everywhere." Ginny muttered.

"I can't believe he would eat that.." Harry shook his head.

"Oh I do." Ginny laughed as she followed Harry.

They approached a door with the numbers 453 on the door. Harry looked in the small window and saw his wife breathing slowly. The nurse beside her bed held up 9 fingers and Harry mouthed 'Thanks' and then turned back around.

"She's dilated nine centimeters." Harry announced.

"Shouldn't you be in there with her mate?" Fred questioned, raising an eyebrow.

"Oh yeah..that would be a brilliant idea. That way when she asks about Ron, I'll be within strangling distance." Harry began to pace from the doors to rooms 453 and 455.

"All I'm saying is that when Angelina had Ethan and Joshua she wanted me in the room." Fred added, shoving his freckled hands into his well worn trouser pockets.

"Same for me Harry. Alicia almost **killed** me when our game against Puddlemere United ran late. By the time I got there Emmy was almost born. She was so mad that she wouldn't let me hold her until I actually groveled.." George shook an untidy lock of hair out of his eyes.

"Yeah I know, I know I should be in there. But what if I screw up? I don't want to screw up my baby's first minutes!" Harry plopped down in a squishy chair directly between Hermione's room and the next. Putting his head in his hands, and with the tomato residue still on the side of his head, Harry looked a sorry sight.

Noticing that this was a male bonding thing, Ginny said, "I'm going to go see what Ron's up to and find Remus. I'll be back in a bit." Fred nodded in acknowledgment and then went and stood in front of Harry. George joined him and patted him on the back.

"It's okay mate! Fred and I have been through this. We know exactly how it feels to not want to fail your children, but common! You are bloody you, you don't fail. And especially with baby Potter, with someone that means this much to you." Harry looked up.

"Yeah Harry, if Ron were sane right now, he would tell you exactly what we are. I mean, if Ron can do it, so can the rest of the male population." Fred gave him his hand and Harry grasped it, pulling himself up.

"You're right, thanks guys." Harry turned to go in but stopped at the last minute and said over his shoulder, "If you don't hear from me soon, send a rescue squad."

Laughing, George said "You're on your own mate; after all, it's your fault she's in there in the _first_ place!"

With that Harry entered.

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**-Please review! I'll write sooner!-**


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